Grief is Love with Nowhere to Go
Grief and love are intertwined so intricately that it's impossible to decipher where one begins and the other ends. Because at the end of the day, grief is love with nowhere to go.
“Grief, I've learned, is really just love. It's all the love you want to give, but cannot. All that unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in that hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go.” ― Jamie Anderson
Most people think that loss and a broken heart are emotional conditions. But I’d like to disagree. The pain of a broken heart is very much physical and visceral. It can feel like a part of your body is bleeding out. And with it, it's taking all the goodness and strength that is within you.
It's okay to be angry
It's normal to feel anger and blow up in a situation where you're grieving, but it is not okay to act on that anger by being violent or abusive. We already know from research that anger is very much a part of grief. Even if you are not experiencing it right now, be mindful and aware of your outbursts.
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lifeism.coDon’t judge yourself harshly and try to contain any further damage to your existing relationships. You can't control how other people react, so don't put yourself in situations where you might be at risk of hurting someone else or yourself. When you're feeling angry, go somewhere alone and walk around until the urge subsides. I personally found boxing gloves and a punching bag an incredibly viable alternative when I was grieving. It may sound extreme, but it really helped me cope with grief constructively.
It is also important to introspect. Why are you angry? Who are you angry with? Yourself? The person you loved and lost? This may help in reducing the outbursts that are unexplained and directed at someone else.
Acknowledge and accept your feelings
Exercise gives you a sense of control over your tumultuous life when in grief. If there is one thing we know about grief, it is that things change quickly from day to day (and sometimes hour-to-hour). Exercise helps us get through those tough times because it gives us something concrete for our minds to hold onto during chaotic times: “I'm going for a run today” versus “I don't know what I'm doing anymore."
Eat well
When you're dealing with grief, it's important to eat well. A balanced diet and plenty of water will help you stay hydrated, keep your energy up, and your hormones in check.
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lifeism.coSome people find that they crave certain types of food during grief, while others find that they're unable to eat anything at all. If you have trouble keeping down food, try eating small meals throughout the day instead of skipping any meals entirely; this way, your body will still get some necessary nutrition even if you aren't able to eat as much as usual.
If overeating is a problem for you during periods of high stress (which is common), avoid comfort foods like ice cream or cookies—these may make things worse by increasing stress hormones in the short term but then leaving them elevated for long periods afterward.
It is also important to avoid making life-changing decisions at this time because they can be difficult to reverse later on (and even more difficult if they affect others). For example:
- If you need to change jobs or move based on where your family lives now, wait until after you have had some time away from work and home.
- If there are other people involved with what happens next (such as children), their needs should be factored in or anyone else's when making these types of choices for yourself or for them.
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lifeism.coAccept offers of help
When people offer their help, be sure to accept it. If a friend asks if she can do anything for you, the answer is always yes! Don't be afraid to ask for help from friends and family. Even if they haven't known you very long or aren't as close with you as others in your life, they may just have an idea that can make all the difference in getting through this difficult time in your life.
Grieving is a process, and there are many ways of coping with loss. When someone loses a loved one, they experience many different emotions, including shock, sadness, and anger. These feelings are normal when someone you care about dies or leaves a relationship that was important to both people involved in it (for example when a couple breaks up).
Talking about these kinds of issues with others who have gone through similar experiences can help them deal better with their emotions by giving them support during difficult times
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lifeism.coWrite about your feelings
Writing is a fantastic way to understand and process your feelings. Writing forces you to put your thoughts into words, which can be immensely helpful in sorting out how you're feeling. It can also help you express what's going on inside of you. Consider writing down everything that comes to mind when someone has died or passed away, no matter how silly it seems at the time. You might find that later on, this exercise helps clarify some things for yourself.
I also recommend practicing The Artists' Way or Morning Pages by Julia Cameron. It is a wonderful way to address grief head-on instead of hiding it.
While we navigate the complex web of emotions that grief brings into our lives, it is also important to remember that it's just love, at the end of the day. Love is where it all started. While it may be sad and painful right now, there was a lot of good in it. Let me rephrase that. There is still a lot of good in it. Just because we lose someone, does not mean that all that love just vanished. Love does not have a past or a future. It either is or isn't. And if it was, it always is. All that love and goodness still exist. All we need to do is learn to reach it and experience it in a unique way.
Constant uncertainty and change can make us feel out of control. While we don’t have control over many things, we do have control over a few important things.
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