Developing the Leader Within You

You develop the leader within you the way you build any muscle: with small, regular practice, long before anyone gives you a title. Get to know yourself, set and keep small goals, listen well, connect with people, and take on the work nobody else wants, and you'll find you've been leading all along.

We're often told that leadership is reserved for a chosen few. That it's a gift you're either born with or you aren't. And if you've never managed a team, it's easy to believe the word simply doesn't apply to you.

We'd like you to consider something different. If you're a parent, if you run a home, if you've ever pulled a project over the line or built something on your own, you are already a leader. You may not be leading a large group of people yet. But you're leading.

And like any muscle, it grows when you use it. Good leaders keep investing in themselves, through a book, a class, or even an article like this one. So here are some small but important steps you can practise, starting this week.

Understand yourself

Good leaders know who they are. They're comfortable in their own skin, and they keep getting curious about what drives them. What motivates you? How do you like to get things done? What do you do when you're under pressure? A personality or strengths assessment can be a useful starting point, as long as you treat it as a conversation starter.

Smaller practices help too. Meditation is one way to slow down enough to notice your own patterns, and the US National Institutes of Health notes that meditation and mindfulness may help some people manage stress and anxiety, though the research is still mixed. A steadier mind is a gift when you're the one others look to in a stressful moment.

All of this builds something deeper: self-acceptance. Liking yourself as you are, flaws included, creates an integrity inside you that shows up in every relationship outside you. People can tell when a leader is at peace with who they are.

Practise this week: spend five minutes each evening writing down one moment you felt energised and one moment you felt drained. By Sunday, look for the pattern. If you're new to sitting still, try one of these easy everyday meditations.

Set goals, and keep them

Even if you aren't leading anyone yet, practise setting goals and working towards them. It teaches you to think ahead, plan, chart a course and actually get things done. Start small. Keep your practice goals clear and reasonable, then take on bigger ones as you go. And never chase a goal at the cost of your health or your relationships.

When you miss a goal, don't rush on to the next one, and don't wallow either. Sit with it for a moment. What went wrong? Were you too ambitious? Did you forget to leave room for rest? Was the goal too vague to measure? A big part of leading is learning the lesson from a failure so you don't repeat it. We wrote more about this in the reality about failing.

Practise this week: set one small goal you can finish by Friday, write it somewhere you'll see it daily, and on Friday ask yourself one honest question: what helped, and what got in the way?

Learn to listen first

Communication is at the heart of leading, and the most important part of it is listening. Use your eyes as well as your ears. Notice body language, facial expressions, the pause before someone answers. Listen to what's said, and think about what's been left unsaid. Your job is to make the other person feel heard.

Then there's the other half: speaking and writing. A clear email, a calm video call and a good conversation in person all matter equally. Practise in front of the mirror to see how you come across. And if the role you want involves public speaking, a group like Toastmasters, a local debate club or a speaking course will give you a safe room to practise in. For more, our guide on becoming a better communicator goes deeper.

Practise this week: in your next three conversations, before you reply, sum up what the other person just said in one sentence and check you got it right. Notice how the conversation changes.

Connect with people

Leadership is a people business. Going out of your way to talk to people has many advantages. You get to understand them, and some of those conversations turn into friendships that last for years. At work, good relationships with colleagues make the day more fun, more productive and more satisfying.

But don't stop at the people you work with. Talk to people from all walks of life. On the metro, in a shared cab, in a long queue, strike up a conversation. Get to know someone a little. If you make them smile for a moment, that's a lovely bonus.

Practise this week: start one conversation with someone you'd normally only nod at, a neighbour, a colleague from another team, the person who makes your coffee. Ask one question and actually listen to the answer.

Learn to manage up

We usually talk about leadership as leading a team. But there's another skill that matters just as much: managing up. Even if nobody reports to you, you report to someone. Learning to work well with your manager is a leadership skill.

So instead of waiting for them to understand you, try to understand them. What do they struggle with? If your work keeps getting stuck waiting for approval, ask yourself why. When did it last get approved quickly, and what was different that time? Could you put a short summary at the top so it's easier to review? If they ask for the same numbers every week, can you send them before they ask, or set them up so they can check whenever they need?

When you make the effort to make someone's work life easier, they notice. And who knows, your name may come up the next time there's a bigger role on the table.

Practise this week: write down the one thing your manager asks you for most often, and find a way to hand it over before they have to ask.

Take the initiative

We're talking about the projects nobody wants. The ones that mean working across teams, that don't sound exciting, and that won't come with a pay rise. Guess what? That's often where leaders are made. They step up and get things done, especially the things most people avoid.

Leading does mean more work, not less. So if you want to grow, this is a good time to practise juggling a little more than you're used to. Just stay honest about your limits, so that stepping up doesn't turn into burning out.

Practise this week: volunteer for one small task in a meeting that nobody else picks up, and see it through to the end.

Keep learning

We tend to think leaders are the smartest people in the room. In reality, good leaders surround themselves with smart people, listen to them, clear the way so they can do their best work, and guide them when it's needed.

To make those calls well, leaders keep learning. They may not be the expert in every area, but they build strong foundations in their own field and in the softer skills, like empathy, feedback and handling conflict, that big decisions depend on.

Practise this week: pick one skill, technical or human, that would make you better at what you do. Give it twenty minutes on three days this week, with a book, a short course or someone who's good at it.

Manage your time

Last but not least, good leaders learn to manage their time. As you can see from everything above, growing as a leader asks a lot of you, usually on top of the job you already have. That only works if you're deliberate about where your hours go, because whatever doesn't get a slot in your week tends not to happen at all.

Practise this week: block one 30-minute slot in your calendar for leadership practice, any of the steps above, and protect it like a meeting with someone important. Because it is.

You are already the leader

You may have been waiting for a leader, a mentor, someone to show you the way. But here's the reframe: you might already be that person. Trust yourself, follow what matters to you, and take responsibility for what's in your hands. That's where the power to change things starts.

We believe leadership is something you practise, one honest conversation and one kept promise at a time. Start with one small step this week.

What do you do regularly to grow as a leader? We'd love to hear about it in the comments.