This page offers twelve gentle, everyday practices that can support healing from painful childhood experiences, alongside the professional help that has the strongest evidence behind it. If what happened to you was abuse, neglect, assault or violence, or if memories are flooding your days, start with a doctor or a trained trauma therapist and use these tips as company along the way, not as a replacement.
We know this is tender ground. So many of us carry something from childhood that still tugs at us as adults, sometimes loudly and sometimes so softly we barely notice it. If you're here, you've already taken a brave step by looking at it.
A plain note before we begin: Lifeism is not medical advice, and this article is not a substitute for care from a GP, doctor, psychiatrist or licensed therapist. If you are in crisis or thinking about harming yourself, contact your local emergency services or a crisis line now. You'll find verified numbers at the end of this page.
What we mean by childhood trauma
The US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention describes adverse childhood experiences as potentially traumatic events between birth and 17, such as violence, abuse, neglect, or growing up with substance use, mental illness or incarceration in the home. These experiences are common. In CDC survey data, three in four US high school students reported at least one.
Not everyone who goes through something frightening goes on to develop post-traumatic stress disorder. The US National Institute of Mental Health notes that most people have some symptoms at first, and most do not develop PTSD. So if you're struggling, that isn't weakness. And if you're coping fairly well, your experience still counts.
What shaped us as children is not a life sentence. Healing is real, and it rarely happens in a straight line.
1. Acknowledge what happened
Many of us minimise our own history. "Other people had it worse." Maybe so, but your younger self felt what they felt.
Acknowledging an experience doesn't mean you have to relive it or decide who was to blame. It simply means saying, at least to yourself, "this happened, and it affected me." Try writing that one sentence down today.
2. Go gently with old memories
You don't need to dig up every detail on your own. Pushing yourself to recall painful scenes without support can leave you more shaken, not less. Trained trauma therapists pace this work carefully for a reason.
If you do talk to family about the past, remember that memory is personal and they were children too, or adults with their own view. The aim is to understand how things felt to you. If a conversation starts to overwhelm you, it's okay to stop.
3. Notice your triggers
A trigger is anything that pulls you back into old feelings: a tone of voice, a smell, a family gathering, eating alone. Noticing them gives you a little more choice in how you respond.
The NHS suggests keeping a diary to help spot what sets off difficult feelings. For one week, jot down when you suddenly felt anxious, angry or small, and what was happening just before. Patterns tend to show up faster than you'd expect.
4. Write it down
Writing about feelings can help some people make sense of them. Research on expressive writing shows a real but small average benefit, so think of it as one helpful tool rather than a cure.
Try fifteen minutes of writing about how you feel, without editing. If writing about a particular memory leaves you feeling worse for more than a short while, switch to writing about the present day instead, and bring that memory to a therapist.
5. Name and allow your feelings
As children, many of us didn't have words for what we felt, or weren't allowed to feel it. Grief, anger, shame and guilt can all show up later, sometimes all at once.
Give the feeling a name when it arrives. "This is anger." "This is old fear." Naming it doesn't make it vanish, but it can make it feel less like it is you, and more like something passing through.
6. Be kind to yourself
When we spot an old pattern, it's easy to turn on ourselves. "Why am I still like this?" Please notice that voice and soften it. You were a child, with very little control over what happened around you.
Research consistently links self-compassion with lower levels of anxiety and depression. Here's a practice: when you catch yourself being harsh, ask what you would say to a close friend in the same place, and say that to yourself instead.
7. Comfort your younger self
Some people find it helpful to picture themselves at the age when something hurt, and to imagine their adult self offering the comfort they didn't receive. You might write that child a short letter, or simply sit still and imagine telling them, "you're safe now, and it wasn't your fault."
There's no fixed number of days this takes, and it isn't for everyone. If this kind of imagery brings up more distress than comfort, set it aside. Therapists who use imagery work can guide it safely.
8. Choose affirmations you can believe
Affirmations aren't magic, and the evidence on them is mixed. One well-known study found that people with low self-esteem who repeated "I'm a lovable person" actually felt worse than those who didn't.
So pick statements that feel honest and reachable. "I'm learning to look after myself" may land better than "I love everything about myself." If a phrase makes your stomach tighten, rewrite it until it feels true enough to say.
9. Ground yourself when the past feels present
Old memories can feel like they're happening now. When that happens, telling yourself to "just stop thinking about it" rarely works.
Instead, try bringing your body back to the present. Breathe out slowly, a little longer than you breathe in. Name five things you can see and four you can hear. Feel your feet on the floor. The NHS lists breathing exercises among its self-help suggestions for trauma symptoms.
10. Look after your body
Our minds and bodies are closely connected, and healing is hard work. The NHS self-help advice for PTSD includes staying active, eating well, getting enough sleep, and avoiding recreational drugs, smoking and too much alcohol.
Regular aerobic exercise has good evidence for easing symptoms of anxiety, depression and PTSD. Start where you are: a brisk daily walk is a fine beginning. And if you notice yourself reaching for food, drink or your phone to numb a feeling, be curious about it rather than ashamed.
11. Let people in
You don't have to carry this alone. Talking with someone you trust, a friend, partner, sibling or mentor, can ease the weight, and the NHS lists talking to others among its self-help steps.
Support groups can help too. Start small. You might share one memory, or just say, "I'm working through some things from my childhood, and I might need a bit of patience."
12. Make meaning in your own time
Some people, looking back, find that a painful past made them more empathetic, more protective of others, or clearer about what they want for their own families. If that's true for you, keep it close.
But you don't owe anyone a silver lining. Not everything happens for a reason, and you never have to call something good that hurt you. Meaning, if it comes, tends to arrive on its own schedule. Let it.
Professional help that has good evidence
If childhood experiences are affecting your relationships, sleep, work or sense of self, please talk to a GP, doctor or licensed therapist. Asking for help is one of the strongest things you can do.
For PTSD, the UK's National Institute for Health and Care Excellence (NICE) recommends trauma-focused cognitive behavioural therapy, which includes cognitive processing therapy, cognitive therapy for PTSD, narrative exposure therapy and prolonged exposure therapy. It also recommends EMDR (eye movement desensitisation and reprocessing) for adults with PTSD after non-combat trauma. The World Health Organization also points to trauma-focused CBT and EMDR. The NHS adds that antidepressant medication is sometimes used.
For people with complex PTSD, which can follow childhood abuse or neglect, NICE advises therapists to allow extra time to build trust and to take personal safety and stability into account. A good therapist will move at your pace. You can read more on the NHS page on PTSD treatment.
Where to get help right now
If you are in immediate danger, call your local emergency number. If you need to talk to someone now:
- United States: call or text 988 to reach the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, free and confidential, 24/7.
- UK and Ireland: call Samaritans free on 116 123, any time, day or night.
- India: call Tele-MANAS, the government's mental health helpline, on 14416 or 1-800-891-4416.
Healing from childhood is slow, brave work, and you're allowed to take it one small step at a time. Be patient with the child you were and the adult you are. You are not alone in this. We're right here with you.
Lifeism shares ideas and practices for reflection. It is not medical, psychological or financial advice. Read our Disclaimer.