What to do when we think people are better than us
When we think people are better than us, and compare ourselves with others, we leave deep scars on ourselves. Here are a few simple strategies to combat those thoughts.
First off, we want to thank you for seeking out an article like this one. The fact that you are reading this means that you are aware of your thoughts. You know that you are struggling with comparing yourself to others and you constantly feel that “people are better than me”. That itself is the first step.
Remember that what you see reflects you
When it comes to the way that we see others, there are a lot of factors at play. It's important to remember that everyone is a mirror in many ways. The fact that you can see the happiness and goodness of a person means that you have a lot of that within yourself. It is your own goodness that enables you to identify and appreciate the goodness around you.
“Beauty lies in the eye of the beholder” – Rumi
If you don’t believe me, then read the quote by Rumi, of the most famous poets of all time.
Bless that which you want
This is an ancient Hawaiian philosophy that propounds that if you want something that someone else had, bless them. Sending them positive vibes creates a deep bond with the universe that brings that goodness to your life, too. Silently appreciate all aspects you love about them. Focus on all the good and keep blessing it. Even if you don't believe in ‘the universe’, doing this will at least break the vicious cycle of negative, self-deprecating thoughts.
Remember that we don't know the whole story
Open up and share
We spend a lot of time and energy just thinking about how other people are better than us. But we hardly ever share our thoughts with the people we love. We are afraid that we will be deeply judged by them. But we need to give them a chance. Unless you show your vulnerability, you will never know how they will react. Talking to our partners, friends, and family about our struggles will make you feel better. You will feel like you are not alone in these thoughts. If you are with them when they occur, they can help you through the situation.
Think about who you want to become
If you constantly feel like other people are better than you, then you need to introspect deeply and define what kind of a person you want to become. Make sure that your list does not just include physical changes but also your perspective, emotional stability, and other aspects of your life. Now pick one important one in each category and make a list of things that you will do to work on becoming that person. Keep this list handy with you.
And when you encounter a situation where you feel like other people are better than you, you can go back to your list of goals and actions. Sure, you may not be there yet, but you are on your way. You are making an effort and you will get there, too.
- Get professional help. This one is always a good idea. Accepting and getting help can offload a lot of burdens (sometimes, the burdens you did not even know you carried). In addition, if you haven't been to therapy in a while, you will be surprised how it's changed. You don't even have to go to a physical location. You can get help online, too. If you don't know where to start, try Online-Therapy.
- Let go of childhood trauma. If online therapy is a bit much, we suggest digging deeper into your past. You can try past life regression, meditation, and other such strategies to see if you are able to get over the insecurities. It is a well-known fact that childhood traumas (big and small) both shape us significantly as adults. If you need more ideas on where to start, try our article on 18 tips to heal childhood trauma.
When we compare ourselves with others, our focus shifts from ourselves and onto them—which only makes us more unhappy with our own lives and less satisfied with the things that make us happy about ourselves. As humans, we like having something or someone else to compare ourselves against because it makes it easier for us (at least temporarily) when comparing ourselves favorably to our peers or role models, but this pattern only leads down an unhealthy path of envy and jealousy which ultimately causes unhappiness instead of joy.
We can't compare ourselves to others, because everyone is unique and special. There is no right or wrong way to live our life; everyone makes their own choices. Everyone has different experiences, priorities, and interests that contribute to that person's current state of happiness or unhappiness. So instead of comparing yourself to others who may seem happier than you are now, focus on improving the things in your life that are important now and will make all the difference in becoming a happier person.